Cravings

On the seventh day of Temperance Twenty Ten I am being ambushed by a fierce squadron of cravings. It started this morning in the shower. "Dont go any further", I'm sure your thinking, "I dont want to puke my most recent meal of under cooked meat and beer." I was listening to some hot new Chicago shit from Kidz in the Hall as I scrubbed stinky demons from my body. The MC, Naledge, decided to drop this tantalizing little nugget:

"Mrs. Mild Sauce".

Alarms begin to sound in my tiny brain - FUCKING CHICKEN! WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU HAD SOME SUCCULENT ASS UNCLE REMUS OR HAROLD'S DOUSED IN DELICIOUS FUCKING MILD SAUCE?!?!!

First of all, only someone super awesome references a chick as "Mrs Mild Sauce" and second, I was screwed for the rest of the day. All of my thoughts were focused on meat and meat byproducts. I was suddenly transformed into a real life Looney Tunes episode. On the L, a group of people huddled near the doors resembled an appetizer tray full of chicken wings, rib tips and beef covered nachos. At work, my fingers appeared to be a sausage platter full of brats, dogs and Italian sausages. I had to run to the bathroom and throw water on my face - "Get a hold of youself you fat asshole!"

The worst was yet to take place. On the train ride home, I sat in that shitty seat I spoke of the other day. Something smelled delicious, yet stale and watered down. At first I though it was Keystone Light, but as I surveyed the wet floor, I discovered the source....a spilt tallboy of Budweiser. The smell of this awful beer normally causes my innards to melt like I had just smashed a Sack of Ten (Fuck! A meat reference), yet I couldn't get enough. I hate to drink that crap when I'm eight hours deep in drunkenss, why must it smell so good now??!

Seven days in and things are starting to get rough.

***UPDATE*** I ate half a block of Jewel Cheese during the making of this post.