First Week/Fat Fucks

First Week

I can't speak for my Temperance counterparts, but the first few days of this lame journey have gone well. My energy levels are higher than normal and I have had no cravings for meat thus far. I have eaten more fish in the last three days than I have in the last three weeks. Alcohol has not been consumed, nor even thought about, until the creation of this sentence.

Obviously there is a long time to go and what worries me more than anything is the imminent meat cravings. This will be the longest I have ever gone without eating meat and I wonder how my body and my mind will react. We shall see.


Fat Fucks

This morning, a rather hefty gentleman, probably in his late 40's and perfectly capable of standing for the short duration of his L ride, slashes his way toward the end of L. You could tell he was scouting for seats through the train windows as the train pulled into the station because he was frantically chopping his way through a mass of people to get to his coveted seat.

For those who don't ride the L, the seat this particular gentleman was slobbering over was the inner seat of two seated chair that is directly across from the vacant conductor's box at the back of the car. This is probably the worst seat on the train, especially for a larger person. Not only are you pinned between the window and another rider, but there is a oddly placed raised step jutting out directly in front of the rider causing them to sit with one knee practically in their mouth. This seat is so popular it often goes without a rider's ass on a packed train.

The train is already packed and this fat asshole, who is carrying two large bags that appear to contain bowling balls full of turkey gravy, inconveniences everyone by trudging his fat and his fat bags to the back of train. Of course I happen to be standing in the narrow doorway that leads to this seat. My head is precariously close to this overhang, which I guess is there to create a sense of separation from the conductor's box and the rest of the car. Riders are to my left and right and the one good seat is taken by another man sleeping in an upright position with his feet dangling in the aisle (another ignorant transgression we could talk about for days).

A narrow entrance + Me (6'3" 230lbs - well proportioned, but nonetheless, quite the space-taker) + sleeping idiot's feet = not space enough space.

Not according to the internal logic of this fat ass. He plows his fat way into the middle of the narrow doorway. Trying to compromise hazards I slightly shift to the right and pull back my bag trying to allow space for the fat ass to get through while trying not to rudely bump into the rider next to me.

What happens next? The fat ass with his fat gravy bags and I get stuck in the doorway. Anyone could have seen this coming, but not eyes heavy with lids of lard and high blood pressure. So we are STUCK, it's not comfortable and we are both pulling in opposite directions in a desperate attempt to get out of his tangle of fat and gravy bags. In a last ditch effort I pull to the left to get free of the swine. As I do this, the train jerks forward and my head smashes back into the godforsaken overhang! While the fat ass suffers the same fate, he never had to drag me in this mess. All to sit down for four goddamned stops which equates to about 5 minutes of standing!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure I was slightly concussed until about 12:48 PM when the red dots finally went away. Moral is, this guy was clearly a Fat Fuck. He was fat and he didn't care about anyone or anything but his fat bags of gravy filled bowling balls. Not all Fat Fucks are fat, they take on many shapes, sizes and colors. Just make sure you can spot them before they get their gravy drippings all over your morning.